Are you Mending or Tearing ?

The most common topic spoken about since yesterday. Depression, Suicide, Mental Health. It gives me a shivering when I hear such news. We have suggestions all around. What do we know about it ? Is it just that we talk about it or do we even implement it at times. 

I think many us must have gone through depression. But not all will accept it. Many of us don't even know about it. Why ? Is the awareness less ? Or is it that we are shy to accept it ? Why can't going to a psychiatrist just be as simple as going to a physician Dr. ? Why don't we look at the positive sides instead of focusing on the negative ? Why don't we talk to our friends ?

So the first side of the coin is the Depressed person. I don't need to focus on that, as everyone has list of to-do things for them. Talk to your friends and family. Go to Dr. Aim. Develop hobbies and many many many more.

So for everyone who feels its very easy to come out of depression, let me tell you all, Its Not. The person affected has already started loosing his confidence, his goal in life, his trust. He has started getting attracted to negative thoughts, fear of loosing maybe career, job, friends, family. At this point of time how can you expect him to behave sensible ? How can that person not make mistakes ?

Now that I have read so many status regarding this, from which I agree to most of it. 'Money is not everything, you can be depressed even if you have it'. 'You should be open to your friends'. 'There is always something in life which is the good side, your motto to live, you need to find one'. 'Nothing is more important than Life, Live it to the fullest'. I agree with all this statements.

But lets just focus on the other side of the coin. What do you do when you feel your friend or a family member is depressed and he comes to you ? Most of the people ADVICE. You should do this, you should do that. Did you wear his shoes to find what he exactly is going through ? And let me tell you one thing crystal clear, not everyone has the same capacity to adjust, to understand, to bear the pain. Some may take a blood test casually, but some maybe highly scared of the syringe. Some maybe Ok with the syringe, but maybe afraid of the results. Some maybe of the practical point and some highly emotional. That's how they are. It cannot be changed over night. So friends, please think before what you Advice. It may just be a concerned statement from you, but for the opposite person it may be like pouring some ghee to the fire.

Let me talk with an example. A man is sailing his boat. He knows where to go. But suddenly, the boat looses his balance. He finds out a hole in the boat. The water has started entering. He looses his confidence. He starts believing that he would die. In panic he even throws away his propelling device. He shouts for help. What will you do ? Just advice him. 'This is how life is, focus on your goal, Don't bother'. Oh no, you will continuously remind him of his mistakes. The mistake because of which the the boat got a hole, the mistake that he is sailing alone, the mistake that he did not check the boat. He knows his goal. He knows his mistake. He needs your help to mend the hole. To get a new boat if any. He needs rescue. Once his hole is mended, he surely knows how to boat. Similarly, the person who is depressed, needs mending. Watch out your words. Is it mending the wounds or is it hurting more which makes him bleed.

The other point comes up is, if he or she is your friend, were you in touch. It is easy to say, 'I am a call away' But were you actually available when he needed you ? Don't forget the person who is depressed has stopped thinking logical. All he needs is Love, Care. That cannot be given on a once upon a time phone call of few minutes. If you kept checking on your friends in general than you would know what is the matter going on. Do not expect he would call you just to say I am not feeling good, when you are not in touch. When for you, your own life is a important and you are busy with your own sets of priorities.

One more important thing is 'TRUST'. Have you made a comfortable atmosphere for him to talk ? Have you been a good listener ? 

I would not only blame the person who is depressed. I would also blame the near dear ones who could not be with him. Who could not gain his trust. Who could not mend things. A mental support is far more important than anything else. Don't brutally kill the person while actually trying to mend. The dosage of medicine is different for all depending on the disease. 

Friends, do think about what all I said. Just checkout with your Family and Friends. And be a little polite. Be kind. Be loveable. Not everyone is blessed with everything. But few things we all can share is LOVE, CARE and HAPPINESS.

Do let me have your feedback on the blog.

By : Forum Shah